It has been some time since I have updated anything on here.
Not that we haven’t had anything happening, I just think I have been avoiding
it. Miss Olivia turns 5 months old
today. She has come so far in the past 5 months and she changes daily right in front
of my eyes. She makes me smile just by being herself. I fall in love with her
more every day.
She recently started physical therapy through early
intervention. I have not met the therapist yet, she comes Thursday mornings
while I work but Josh really likes her. Olivia's first session was not so hot. She
apparently screamed and flailed through the entire thing. She still has
difficulty soothing herself. The second session this past week she did better.
We are to be working on rolling. She doesn’t seem excited when I try and work
on anything with her. The only thing she really wants when I am home is to be
attached to my chest… you would think that having to eat from a bottle during
the day was the worst thing ever.
She had her 4 month vaccines at the end of February. Besides
a little fever, she tolerated them very well. She weighed in at 8lbs 9oz and
was 21 inches long. She’s looking really good on the preemie growth curves. All
in all coming along really well.
I have been back to work for 6 weeks now. We have been
managing to keep Olivia out of daycare with the help of a couple good friends
who watch her for the few hours a week our schedules overlap. Every day leaving
her is tough for me. I think it was hard to leave with the older girls too, but
it seems more difficult with Olivia. I am constantly fighting the worry and
thoughts that something will happen to one of the girls. On top of it all I despise
pumping. I have a lot of respect for moms who exclusively pump… it is awful.
Nursing is so much easier/less painful/less stressful.
We had photos taken last month. They turned out wonderfully.
Our photographer was amazing and got some shots of the girls that I absolutely
love. Here are a few of my favorites:
Anyone who is looking for a fantastic photographer in the Harrisburg area, Harmony runs
Philter Photography and can be found on facebook or her website. I highly
recommend her.
I feel so blessed every day to have a healthy, growing,
spunky little girl but cannot for a day forget Owen. 5 months ago today we lost
him and the wound feels just as raw today as it did then. I never realized you
could miss someone so desperately after only having them in your life for a few
hours. Most days I am ok, functional, you would never know my child died 5
months ago. Some days the grief gets me and hits hard. I am truly lucky I have
3 little girls or I wouldn’t get out of bed on those days. Today is one of
those days… every month on the 9th and the 15th my heart
aches like it did the day we lost him and the day we buried him. Emma does a
good job keeping me grounded. She knows when I don’t feel right and manages to
do something absolutely ridiculous to make me laugh. I take the girls to Owen’s
grave every 3-4 weeks and we talk about him and how mama misses him and that he
is with God, healed, happy and healthy and we will get to see him that way some
day. I took Olivia for the first time 2 weeks ago. It was a cloudy, rainy
day, similar to the day we buried him. I got pooped on by a bird while we were
there… If anyone has seen the movie under the Tuscan sun, the bird poop was a “sign.”
I took it as a sign that my baby was there with us and watching over us.
I miss you Owen Graham, more every day.
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